I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
