she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Randomize
