You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
