the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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