Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
