I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
