Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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