i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
