Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
