That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
