The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize