So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
