i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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