If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
