Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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