Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
