Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I want to fling myself into the sun
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
