It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
