Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
