I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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