woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
