So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
