Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
