Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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