He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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