I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
