Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
