Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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