420 ftw
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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