Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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