He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
