did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
