I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
