I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So many bounce houses so little time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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