i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
