yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
