hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
