i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
