Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
