i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize