You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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