I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
