She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
