hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
