There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
