omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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