Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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