I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
