btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
