youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
