Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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