Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
