in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
