Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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