new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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