I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize