i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Will exercising make me less horny?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
