drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
