Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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