I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
