That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
