My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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