At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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