u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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