you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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