Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
someone threw a dead crab at me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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