I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
