remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
