I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
