Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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