im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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