Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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