You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
