At least make sure they are 18
Why
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
