where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
