but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
