I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
