A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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