apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
