you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
