At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
