she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
