Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
