Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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