walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
