She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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