I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
