I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
