I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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