So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
