she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
