He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize