My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
