somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am midnight drunk by noon
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
