mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
