If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
