Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
