he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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