Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
