Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
