well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
