I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
