YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
