you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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