I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
