I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
