I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize