She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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