i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
