If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
