i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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