how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
