You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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