Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
