Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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