Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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