I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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