What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this will be a night to untag.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
